Where do Babies come from?
by Regina the Queen of Random
Summary: Yugi goes on a quest to find out where babies really come from – with hilarious results!


Regina: Okay, here is yet another random story that my sick and twisted - and, of course, random - mind has thought up, which came from a random conversation - as do most of my stories (if you have read 'Role Reversal', you may remember that it began when a group of us were thinking about what we would do if we were turned into members of the opposite sex for a day), and trust me on this, you do NOT want to know the conversation that led up to this.  
  
Anyway, here is my second story for Yu-Gi-Oh fic ('Marik and Eve' was the first), and my first humour one for Yu-Gi-Oh. On that note, I do not own anything to do with Yu-Gi-Oh, nor one of the jokes that appear later on in this story (it was on 'The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air' first, if you are old enough to remember that far) nor do I own the Baby Factory. Anyway, I'll just let you get on with this. Please review, and I hope you like it!  
  
Where do Babies come from?  
  
The question came out of nowhere.  
  
"Hey, Yami."  
  
"Yes, Yugi?"  
  
"Where do babies come from?"  
  
See? Nowhere.  
  
The ancient pharaoh looked at the young boy seated on his bed. "Why do you want to know, Yugi?"  
  
"Well, I was sitting in Math's class, when I realized that I am fourteen years old, and I still don't know where babies come from."  
  
Yami said nothing.  
  
"So I thought I'd ask you," added Yugi. "So, where do babies come from, Yami?"  
  
Yami paused for a moment, then said, "Well, from my experience, Yugi, it all begins when the gods decide to bless the pharaoh's wife, or one of his many concubines, and-"  
  
"Yami?" interrupted Yugi.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"What's a concubine?"  
  
"Ah." Yami was silent for a moment, and then said, "Perhaps you should ask somebody else."  
  
"Oh, okay. Guess things must have changed since your time, huh?"  
  
"It seems so."  
  
*  
  
"What's the matter, Yug?"  
  
"Joey, where do babies come from?"  
  
"Babies!" cried Joey. "Why do you want to know where babies come from? Never mind. Are you saying that you don't know where babies come from?" Joey added quietly.  
  
"No," answered Yugi. "I tried asking Yami, but he suggested I ask somebody else."  
  
Joey hit himself on the forehead. "And you decided to come and see me?"  
  
"Well, you are my best friend, Joey." Yugi looked up at his 'best friend' (who right then was wishing that he wasn't Yugi's best friend) expectantly.  
  
"Um, well, you see. . ." Joey trailed off, going bright red in the meantime. Then he was struck by a brilliant idea. "The stork brings them.!"  
  
I said it was a brilliant idea, not an original one.  
  
Okay, maybe not a brilliant one, either.  
  
"The stork?" Yugi asked skeptically. "But Yami said something about the gods, and concubines, whatever those are."  
  
Joey forced out a laugh. "Yeah, well, that was a long time ago! Things change, Yug!"  
  
"I don't believe you. I think I'll go ask Téa."  
  
"Yeah, you go do that, Yug."  
  
*  
  
"Oh, hey, Yugi. How can I help you?"  
  
"Téa, can you tell me where babies come from? Yami wasn't too clear, and I think Joey was lying about the stork."  
  
"Um. . ." Téa cleared her throat, trying hard to think of something that Yugi would believe, but wasn't too close to the truth. "Well, Yugi, when a man and woman love each other very much, and they want to share that love with somebody else, they have a baby."  
  
"But how do they have the baby?"  
  
"Um. . . I'm not too sure. Perhaps you should ask your grandfather."  
  
"Oh. Okay. Thanks, Téa." Yugi quickly left in search for his grandfather.  
  
As soon as Yugi was out of sight, Téa pulled her cellphone from her pocket, and dialed quickly. As soon as the person on the other end answered, Téa said, "Mr Motou? Yugi's on his way to your house, and he wants to know where babies come from. I thought I'd warn you."  
  
*  
  
"Grampa? Are you home?" called Yugi when he walked through the front door. Still calling his grandfather's name, he found himself in the kitchen. On the fridge was a note.  
  
'Yugi,' it read, 'gone to visit a sick friend. Be back soon. Grampa.'  
  
"Okay," said Yugi, thinking aloud, "I'll go ask Tristan."  
  
* "Okay, Yugi, here's how it is. They grow in cabbage patches."  
  
"They do?"  
  
"Sure they do," replied Tristan. "Haven't you ever heard of 'Cabbage Patch Babies'?"  
  
"I guess. But I thought they were just a type of toy," said Yugi.  
  
"No, way! They're just an evil trick thought up by adults to hide the secret of where babies really come from."  
  
"Really? Are you sure?"  
  
"I'm sure, Yugi. They come from the cabbage patch."  
  
"Oh. Okay."  
  
*  
  
"Yugi? Is that you?"  
  
Yugi's purple head popped up from his search. "Hey, Mai!"  
  
"What are you doing in that cabbage patch?" asked the blonde.  
  
"Looking for babies."  
  
"Looking for babies?" repeated Mai, laughing. "Who told you that?!"  
  
"Tristan did," replied Yugi.  
  
"Really? I thought Joey would have said something as stupid as that."  
  
"No, he told me that the stork delivers them."  
  
"Now that sounds like something he would say," laughed Mai. "So, you've asked Joey and Tristan, and you got these stories?"  
  
"Yes. And I asked Téa, and I went to ask Grampa, but he'd gone out. Will you tell me where babies come from?" asked Yugi suddenly.  
  
"You want me to tell you?" Mai went slightly red. "Well, Yugi, babies are made when the man decides to, um, I don't really know. But I do know that a lot of guys don't take responsibility for what they've done. Trust me on that. When you grow up, Yugi, don't do anything stupid, and get yourself into trouble, okay?"  
  
"Okay, Mai."  
  
*  
  
Duke Devlin looked up from the game he was playing to see Yugi standing there. "Hey, Yugi! What are you doing here!"  
  
"I'm trying to find out where babies come from. Do you know?"  
  
Duke ran a hand nervously through his hair. He was trying to think of a lie that would satisfy Yugi, but not be too close to the truth. In the meantime he said, "Why hasn't your Grampa told you yet?"  
  
Yugi shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I went to ask him, but he's gone out. The note on the fridge said he'd gone to visit a sick friend. That was after I'd asked Téa."  
  
Téa must have warned the old man, thought Duke. Why couldn't she have warned me?  
  
Out loud he said, "Well, Yugi. He's how it goes. Have you ever heard of a place called the Baby Factory?"  
  
"Yes. Are you saying that babies come from there?"  
  
Duke nodded. "Yeah. You go in there, and pick which one you want."  
  
"Thanks, Duke."  
  
Duke breathed a sigh of relief after Yugi left, in search of the next poor soul to question.  
  
*  
  
"I'm sorry, Yugi, but I don't know where babies come from."  
  
"Oh, thanks anyway, Bakura."  
  
"No problem. And let me know if you do find out."  
  
Once Yugi had left, Bakura laughed, as another part of his scheme to get the Millennium Puzzle fell into place (don't ask me what that had to do with any of that!).  
  
*  
  
As a short cloud of black hair ran past him, Yugi called, "Mokuba!"  
  
Mokuba stopped, turned around, and smiled. "Yugi!" He ran back to where Yugi was standing. "How are you?"  
  
"I'm good. Can you help me Mokuba?"  
  
The raven head bobbed up and down. "Sure. What is it?"  
  
"Do you know where babies come from?" asked Yugi.  
  
There was a puzzled look in Mokuba's purple eyes as he said, "Sorry, Yugi." Then he smiled. "I know! We can ask my big brother!"  
  
Yugi hesitated. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"  
  
"Sure! He promised he would tell me, anyway!" Mokuba took off running. "Come on, Yugi!"  
  
*  
  
"Why is he here?" asked Kaiba, annoyed at his brother's company.  
  
"We came to ask you something," replied Yugi.  
  
"We want to know where babies come from," added Mokuba.  
  
"Babies?!" Kaiba managed - just - to keep his surprise hidden. "I thought we discussed this, Mokuba, you are not old enough."  
  
"But, big brother! If I'm old enough to do all this other stuff, why not this?"  
  
"You are definitely not old enough to have a baby." Kaiba's voice was commanding, and Mokuba went silent. "I will tell you when you are ready."  
  
"But I am ready!"  
  
Kaiba realised that Mokuba was not going to drop this easily. "Fine then. Do you really want to know where babies come from?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"All right then. There is a special place out in the country, where these giant birds live -"  
  
"And?!"  
  
"- and when you go there, they give you a very special egg. Now the parents have to take special care of the egg, and nine moths later, the egg hatches, and inside is an egg."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really. Is that good enough for you?"  
  
"Oh, thanks, big brother!"  
  
"You're welcome, Mokuba." Kaiba turned and looked at Yugi. "Now you. Get out."  
  
Yugi got out.  
  
*  
  
"Okay," said Yugi, thinking aloud, "so far people have said that babies come from the gods and concubines - whatever those are - storks, when a man and woman love each other, cabbage patches, something about men, the Baby Factory, and giant birds which give you eggs which the babies hatch from. But which one of them is-"  
  
Yugi was cut off by the sound of an argument coming from a repair store he was walking past.  
  
"What do you mean you have to order in a new part, and it won't be here for two days?! It's just an ice machine!"  
  
"What's going on, Marik?" asked Yugi.  
  
Marik whirled around, and fixed his angry purple eyes on Yugi. "This fool won't fix my ice machine, that's what! And I can't send him to the Shadow Realm, because then I would have to find another repairman!"  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Sorry?! You're sorry?!" Marik seemed to clam down a little, and he asked, "What do you want, anyway, Yugi?"  
  
"I want to know where babies come from. Can you tell me?"  
  
"No, Yugi. I am far to busy to tell the likes of you where babies come from."  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
Marik grinned. "I have plans to conquer Alexandria. So don't bother me!"  
  
With that Marik stalked off, leaving Yugi to find someone else to answer his question.  
  
*  
  
Two days after his quest to find out where babies come from, Yugi found all of his friends waiting for him at his home. "What are all of you doing here?" he asked.  
  
"Well, Yugi," explained his Grampa, "when you asked us where babies come from, we decided we would get you something to help explain things." Joey presented Yugi with a wrapped present.  
  
Yugi tore open the wrapping paper, to find a book. "'Where did I come from?' he read aloud. Thanks, guys."  
  
"Everyone you ask pitched in," explained Téa.  
  
"Everyone?" asked Yugi, surprised. "Even Marik?"  
  
"Well, we went to ask him, but some girl named Alexandria said that he was getting the ice machine back from the repairman."  
  
Something about that bothered Yugi, but he didn't know what.  
  
"Well, thanks, guys," repeated Yugi. He opened the book, and began reading.  
  
After a few moments, he shut the book, and threw it across the room. "Ew!"  
  
"What's wrong?" asked everyone.  
  
"That's how babies are made?!"  
  
Everyone nodded.  
  
"Then why did you tell me! That's absolutely disgusting! Gross! I don't want to know where babies come from, now!"  
  
Everyone groaned.  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
Regina: For a change, I thought I might put a little note at the end of the story. This'll be the first time I will have done this, probably because this is only the second story I have finished.  
  
The joke that I was referring to was the 'conquering Alexandria' one. It was on the show when Geoffrey (the butler) came out of a fantasy hotel room, and a woman's voice called out with something like (I forget the exact words) "Oh, Caesar! Time to conquer Alexandria!" to which Geoffrey replied, "Coming, Alexandria!" Yep, that was the joke. I just thought it would be funny to put it in.  
  
Anyway, I hoped you liked it, and for those of you who don't know, this is the point where you review, add me to your favourite authors list, and go on to read my other stories! Hop to it! 


End file.
